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York County Taxpayers Foot Bill For Garage Door Repair - FOX43.com

YORK - York County taxpayers will have to initially foot the bill to repair a damaged garage door at the courthouse. On August 26th, Brian Oatman drove his pickup truck through the building. Surveillance cameras at ...

Moberg's Auto Repair Libertyville Illinois- Honest Affordable Car Repair North of Chicago - Associated Content

but this garage pays attention ... For some time the arm rest on the door had been loose. We had learned to live with it. Though the loose arm rest wasn't ever discussed with the repair technician, and we weren't ...

How a garage door can improve the appearance of your home's exterior - Daily Star

... dealer to measure your door to ensure that it will be correctly sized. Make sure that your local dealer is authorized, fully insured and has a good local reputation. Never try to repair or install a garage door ...

September is a good time for home-repair and maintenance projects - Washington Post

September is a great month for investing energy in home-repair and maintenance projects ... You probably won't notice a drafty door until the weather becomes cold. But if you wait until then to replace mangled ...

Caring for your garage doors - PRLog (free press release)

Always call a repair team who use high quality parts. There is no point in replacing damaged components with inferior quality products that will damage your garage door’s durability. Does your garage door need ...

Kyleigh's Story - The Door Lock Project - Gather.com

... door always had some issues. It finally failed completely and we were only able to get in and out from the garage. So I bought a new door ... that was our little home repair project.

Time running out to earn tax credits on new garage doors - Grand Junction Free Press

or even repair, a garage door system, an experienced professional is always your best bet. GarageWowNow.com can point you to the qualified professionals nearest you through a handy ZIP code search function.

Is your door out of whack? Try these tips to fix it - Arlington Heights Daily Herald

... door down, sand or shave off the bulging area and prime and paint the wood to seal it back up. Then you can rehang the door. Storage between the studs Garage space ... might buy a basic home-repair book to keep ...

Women learn home-building and repair skills in preparation for Habitat for Humanity projects - Statesman Journal

Kate Walker impressed the others by saying she had put up the molding around her garage door, though it had been hard. She's tearing out the bathroom now —"It's really fun" — but she was anxious to learn more ...

Driver rams courthouse security door - Evening Sun

... the company on the cost to repair or replace the door and how quickly that can be done. He predicted it would be about a week until the work can be completed. Meanwhile, deputies will guard the open garage ...

Open Question: what has happened to my VW POLO central locking?

I have a 1998 1.4Cl Polo and a while ago the passenger door lock stopped working - both locking and unlocking, which wasnt a huge big deal but now the drivers door has done the same and now I have to go in through the boot! The boot lock works fine, the driver and passenger doors neither lock or unlock externally - but can be opened and locked individually internally. A local garage (without inspecting anything I might add) quoted £150 per door to repair. Can anyone help me with thie - is it a known problem or is it just a knackered car. The car runs fine and is in good condition. I am not at all experienced in car repair so any help/advice would be greatly appreciated. Or if anyone lives in West London and would like to help then that would be even better haha. more

Resolved Question: car accident, not my fault, what next?

Hi, my car was hit by a lady driver on the side door when she was reversing fast without looking. she agreed it was her fault. we exchanged the names and phone numbers. I took her car number plate as well. she took the photographs of the damage done to my car and her car. I asked for her insurance company and she said she doesn't remember and she also said she wants to get it repaired without involving the insurance company. I got an estimate from the garage and told her the cost and she said she will get back to me and I haven't heard from her since then (almost couple of days). tried to call her, but no response. now how can I make her pay the cost of repair, if she doesn't respond to the phone calls? should I go to police? not sure if she wants me to go to another repair shop to get it done cheaper. I checked online by entering her number plate and found that her car is insured (but don't know which company). what are my options now? Please let me know. thanks in advance.I haven't asked for her address and I haven't informed my insurance company about this. it happened in a car park, other people saw it, but I didn't ask any one to sign as witness. she may be just taking more time, not avoiding, but I just want to know what I can do in worst case scenario (i.e. if she doesn't respond to phone calls)if I call my insurance company, will it affect my no claim bonus or increase my premium? I hope it shouldn't, because it is not my fault. more

Resolved Question: 48 hours to report an accident to the car insurance?

My gf had a car accident on Wednesday. Her car got clipped by an oncoming car on a narrow country lane they both received some damage and neither admitted fault. They agreed to pay for each others damage and avoid the insurance company hassle. Thats the last she heard for Wednesday Thursday: Gf then asked for quotes on repairs, the girl has come back saying that her bf has took it to a local garage and quote was £800-£1000!!! This is for damaged wing mirror, scratches to front and rear driver side door, paint work and supposed chip in driver-side window. My gf can in no way afford this so she has said to her that it needs to be delt with by the insurance. She tried to report it that evening and into today (which is past the 48 hour window) via there supposed 24hr number but it says to call during office hours! ECarinsurance Making a Claim Please note that you must report all incidents to us within 48 hours, even if you are not claiming. Failure to do so will make you personally liable for any claims that are pursued against you. What happens now if she manages to get through tomorrow as its past the 48 hours? more

Resolved Question: What do you think is the best way to give a cat a pill?

Here is my system. 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrive cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cats head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, dring glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10. Retriev cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetnus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down. 14. Get spouse to drive you to casualty; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.Mick....turn the cat the other wey roon. more

Resolved Question: Do you know the best way to give a cat a pill?

Resolved Question: My VW drivers window has fallen into the door.. any ideas please?

I pressed the electric window button and the drivers glass window fell into the door. I thought it had smashed so called Autoglass who arrived to repair. However the repairman found the glass was intact but suggested the electric motor was broken. Therefore he disconnected and put the window glass back in place. The only problem is obviously I cannot open the window and not sure what the best and most cost effective way forward is. Will I need a new motor or can they be repaired? Also I read that sometimes it may just be the clips so should I try this first? I would appreciate some advice as I am used to having company cars and therefore not very good with mechanical issues. I am guessing I should just take Volkswagen garage but worried about the cost. Thank you more

Resolved Question: can i with hold my rent if the landlord aint doing any repairs even though ive already told him about them ?

i have told my landlord numerous times about my repairs and yet i am still waiting the main problem is the garage door that has been broken for several weeks now and yet he still ain't fixed and now that it ain't fixed my partners bike was stolen but now its been found but unfortnutaley it is in a lot of damage so am allowed to with hold his rent to pay for the damage to the bike due to the garage door been broke more

Resolved Question: Car collision geometry, is there a way to prove the direction the car was travelling from?

I'll explain - I have been involved in minor accident (no one was injured), where the other car has cut in front of me (turning right in front of my car when I was going straight across the road) causing the collision. Now my insurance company came back to me and said that they have to accept liability on my behalf because apparently the other driver is now claiming to have come from my right on the main road, which puts me in the wrong. We have no witnesses and were both alone in our cars. I am wondering is there a way to prove where the other car was travelling from based on the impact damage pattern on our cars? I hit the other car at the passengers side's back door, and my bumper was damaged - I am waiting for a report from the garage that carried out my repairs about which side of the bumper was damaged - as it was not a full front, but only one side (I don't remember which side). I was told by a friend that from the damage to my car it'll be possible to prove that my version of events is the true one. Is there a geometry genius out there who can help me or does anyone know any website with patterns of collisions? thanks a lot!Replying to Josh's post to clarify the matters, as it does look muddled from my descriprion - I was in the driver's seat, it was at a crossroads with no traffic lights, and I was going straight over when nothing was coming on my right, and the other driver was coming from the other side of the road (from where I was going to) at speed with no indicators, as if driving straight across as well, but then turned right, just infront of my car. sorry I was unclear the first time.oh, yes - other important detail - I'm in UK, so driving on the left. more

Resolved Question: Who else has sighted the Idiot's who walk among us?

IDIOT SIGHTING #1 My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave The clerk a £5 note. Our total was £4.20, so I also handed her a twenty pence piece. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said,'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me £1 back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said 'We're sorry but we don't do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change.. IDIOT SIGHTING #2 We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two..' We haven't used Garador repair since. Happened in Moor Park , Nr Watford, UK IDIOT SIGHTING #3 I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the Highways Department to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.' Story from Potters Bar, Herts , UK IDIOT SIGHTING #4 My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce. From South Oxhey, Herts , UK IDIOT SIGHTING #5 I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an Irish airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your Knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.' Happened Luton Airport , UK IDIOT SIGHTING #6 The stoplight on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the beeping was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!' She is a Local County Council employee in Harrow, Middlesex , UK IDIOT SIGHTING #7 When my husband and I arrived at Our Local Ford dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the Fitter/Mechanic, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.' This was at the Ford dealership in St Albans, Hertfordshire, UK . more

Resolved Question: 1997 VW Passat interior and hazard lights flash randomly?

Hello - sorry for the length of this question, but I thought the detail might help avoid wasting anyone's time by narrowing down the possibilities! I have a 1997 VW Passat saloon. Recently I noticed that the internal lights (front reading lights and lights above the rear doors) would sometimes randomly turn on and off while driving. The lights would also sometimes activate when locking the car. Also affected are the hazard lights, which also sometimes flash after the car has been locked. My garage have looked at it a couple of times, and have checked that the circuits under the passenger floor were dry. They replaced a faulty switch in the boot that was not always activating the light (in case a short circuit was activating the lights and alarm system). The hazards coming on when the car is locked is hard to observe as I can't park it so I can see it all the time. Sometimes the lights activate a few seconds after parking, last night it was a couple of hours later. As far as I can tell, the lights only activate when the interior reading light is set to activate when doors are opened - so far it doesn't seem to happen when the light is switched permanently off (although it's hard to be sure as the problem is intermittent). The garage say that the interior lights and alarm system are linked via the central locking system (if I understand them correctly). The alarm was news to me - it doesn't have an audible alarm (I don't know if the siren is broken or disabled). I'd like to know if anyone can think of reasons for these problems? Even if I could prevent the problem by keeping the interior lights off, I am worried that the problem could still be draining the battery or a sign of a more serious issue. Another recent issue with the car is that the breather pipe was replaced to fix a problem with the engine idling poorly and stalling. Since the repair the idling problem hasn't improved much, but I have been told to give it time to settle down (they had to reset some computer settings during the repair). This is probably not related but thought I should mention it just in case! more

Resolved Question: Scared about insurance claim :(?

Hey, I am in desperate need of some advice, and was wondering if you have a couple of free minutes whether you would mind giving me your honest opinion? Okay Basically I had an incident just before the weekend, where i caught my one of the sides of my car on a metal bollard, badly denting it the rear offside, with a scrape that rungs along the passenger door through to the rear arch. I am completely unfamiliar with claiming on insurance, and am always petrified when it comes to things like this :( I have been with my insurance company for over a year, never missed a payment, have never had any motoring offenses or other insurance claims, and am fully comprehensive with additional insurance policies/add-on's with the same company, there's no damage to any other vehicles or property and I accept full liability regardless. The problem is, and I really hate myself for it and CANNOT for the life of me understand why I did it, but when i contacted my insurance company (which I did so immediately after) on the initial report I told them I didn't know how it happened and it was parked in the street. I think I was just afraid to be honest, because I always believe these companies are only there to make money and not protect its customers (pathetic I know). All the insurance company did was put me through to their claims dept who gave me the telephone number for an approved garage to take it in so they can have a look and give me a quote/courtesy car etc. If I do so, more than likely they will assess the damage and the insurance company will pay, but I am so terrified of the fact that I haven't been truthful with what happened, its actually keeping me awake at night. I realize this may be slightly dramatic but I really don't know what the best course of action would be here. I really want to phone and tell them but I am worried that as a result they will invalidate my claim, my premiums will skyrocket in the future and I cant afford to repair my car. Any info would be GREATLY appreciated, good or bad (I expect there will be a whole lot of slating me because of my stupidity). more

Voting Question: My car was broken into and I need help with some things...?

Last night my car was broken into, they got in through the door which is bent over and very badly buckled. I am insured on fully comp insurance with Churchill and need to know how much excess i would have to pay and whether i have to take it to a certain garage, i would do the repair myself but the damage is to vast. Thanks in advance! more

Resolved Question: i am a bit stuck on my assignment can anybody help?

Easybuild Plc built Swallow Close in the early 1960s. Your client Peter Harvey bought 22 Swallow Close as a new house from Easybuild in 1962 and he has lived there ever since. In his purchase deed he covenanted with Easybuild (a) not to use the property for the purposes of any trade, profession or business (b) to maintain the boundary fences marked with a “T” on the plan attached to the purchase deed in good repair and condition and (c) to extract covenants to the same effect from any subsequent owner of the property. The boundary that he is responsible for, according to the “T” mark on the plan, is the boundary between numbers 20 and 22 Swallow Close. He assumed at the time that everyone who bought one of the houses would give the same covenants and that his neighbours at number 24 would be responsible for the boundary between their properties. Peter believes that Easybuild went into liquidation in 1980 and he does not know who acquired the benefit of the covenants previously given to Easybuild. Peter remembers that when he first moved into 22 Swallow Close a Mrs Dawkins was already living in 24 Swallow Close, next door to him. She lived there until she died in 1985. After her death, the house was empty until 1988, when David Jackson moved in. Peter has got on well with Mr Jackson until recently, when Mr Jackson decided to allow his son to run his painting and decorating business from the house. Now the garage has become a workshop, there are vans constantly parked on the driveway and rubbish is piling up on the front lawn. On top of that the shared boundary fence has fallen over and is smashed in parts. Your own enquiries have disclosed that Swallow Close is in an area where registration of title to land did not become compulsory until 1990. Peter would like to know: (i)whether and how he can stop Mr Jackson’s son from operating his business from 24 Swallow Close; and (ii)what he can do about the broken boundary fencing. more

Resolved Question: Reckless tree planting - what should I do?

My next door neighbour has planted a tree within 5 inches of my garage wall. I have explained small trees become big ones and the eventual damage to the footings is inevitable, I have written asking this be addressed and or I have a written undertaking to indemnify me in terms of serious future repair costs. Now she is sulking! What did I do wrong? What do I do next - This is obviously a problem in waiting. more

Resolved Question: Can anyone recommend a good (small) car for me to get?

I currently drive a 140 Mercedes A-Class. I've had this car for 5 years and although I love it it's getting to the stage that as soon as anything goes wrong with it I have to pay an absolute fortune to get it repaired. It's currently at the garage yet again due to a problem with the suspension. As soon as this is repaired I'm thinking of trading it in. I can't afford to get a brand new car so was thinking of something around 2 years old. I'm single and only really have one passenger in in the car with me at a time so it doesn't matter if it's a five door or a three door and I don't need a massive boot. I have 6 speeding endorsements on my license. I'm 30 and have been driving since I was 18. Can anyone recommend a good (small) car for me to get? Preferably with low road tax and fairly econimcal to run...? Thanks in advance! :)Ideally I'd like a Fiat 500 - bit out of my price range though! more

Resolved Question: Is there anyone in Essex, who knows how to REPAIR OR REPLACE THE zapper for a radio controlled garage door?

My previous zapper was MPY1340 W.T.excempt from ZAP CONTROLS WALSALL more

Resolved Question: Car bodywork repair. Can you offer some advice please?

I have a lovely little Pergeot 206, 7 years old with 7,000 miles only on the clock. I have treated it with lots of love since buying it new and it still looks like new. I put it in the garage when not in use and never leave it on the road side. Some not so caring drivers have opened their car doors and bumped my precious car leaving two nasty dimples in the passenger side door. This happened in a car park and, of course, they are never there when you get back to your car. What's the best, cheapest way, to sort these dimples out. The paintwork is not broken. Will this cost a lot? Thanks! more

Resolved Question: My car was damaged in a car wash but the garage is denying liability as it says my roof rack was an accessory-?

- that should have been removed before I entered the car wash. What happened was the machine stopped midway through the wash, I was trapped inside the car by the two flanking washer rollers, I beeped my horn to get attention and help but to no avail, so I decided to just drive the car out, I explained what happened to the manager and he said that they were having terrible trouble with the machine and that a woman had been trapped by the same machine a couple of days earlier. He came out and re booted the machine and I reversed the car in to get it washed again, however I soon noticed that the car was letting in water at the top of one of the rear doors, and realised then that the top washer roller that was above the roof of the car and out of my sight must have clipped the rear of the roof rack when I exited and pressed it down into the car roof, denting it, this is turn then compromised the top of the rear door seal and so allowing the water to seep in. The defence solicitors are claiming that as there was signage stating that car 'accessories' must be removed before entering the wash, and that my roof rack was an 'accessory' and should have been removed beforehand - but the roof rack isn't just something you can whip off and whip back on again, it is a bolted-on integral part of my car just as the tow bar is. They also stated that the machine was subsequently checked and found to be in working order and required no repairs, this conflicts with the earlier statement from the manager of the garage who told me it was giving them a lot of trouble lately and that at least one customer had already been trapped in it. I have used this car wash several times in the past and several times since with no problems whatsoever. Note too that the garage manager cleared me to re-enter the wash with my roof rack still in place. Please advise me as to my rights and whether I should pursue my claim for damages against them.I forgot to mention also that the manager refused me access to the most recent maintenance and repair log records regarding this particular car-wash.Han - I've just reported you for abuse.Equally Cary S - this would probably go more against the manager don't you think?Erich M - I've just reported you for abuse too, why can't you smug smart alecs just be civil or don't answer at all.I posted this question on behalf of a friend by the way, this didn't happen to me personally.Fred F - you sound like such a smug smart alec yourself, you'd swear you were there yourself such is your self delusory ego mania - and I reported 'abuse' of the blog not of myself you supercilious know-it-all, now that's YOUR big fault ;)I wrote this in the first person for convenience folks, just found it easier to write it that way, thanks for those who have posted civil non-smart ass comments so far and for not compromising the common civility we expect from one another when seeking advice. ;)I've just been told by my pal that the car wash stopped mid way through the wash because of a software malfunction with the machine itself and not because of the roof rack, hence the lady being trapped in it a couple of days before and the ongoing trouble that was being experienced by it as stated by the manager. They obviously don't like roof racks because they may fray or sever the nylon cleaning fibres and not because they can cause the machine to malfunction - as is evidenced by the years of incident free usage by my pal of roof rack car washes before this incident and indeed in the months since. more

Resolved Question: courtesy car small damage who pays already got claim in can it be added on?

I had my car stolen and then found it has been in the garage getting repaired the insurance company gave me a courtesy car (a micra) my baby son opened the door while driving (he was in the front and it is a three door and I STILL cannot find the locks even though I have now had the car for 4 weeks). Anyway do you think they can just add the price of the scratch onto the insurance claim? It is a scratch and dent due to the car door swinging open and clipping onto a lamp post. more

Resolved Question: Charged for work by Ford, and I believe work wasn't carried out. Now I want my money back.?

Hi, I took my van in for a recall to a Ford dealership. While there I asked them to look at the drivers door as it didn't open from the outside. I was told I would incur a £55 inspection charge which I agreed to. I was informed that I needed a new lock system (nearly £300). I decided to wait till my van went in for a service and MOT with my local garage (not a Ford dealer). I asked my mechanic to look at the door as part of the service. He repaired the door (for no charge) and said that there was no way I needed a new lock mechanism. He also said that as the screws that hold the panel on the door were full of dirt and grime that he believed the panel had never been removed! I have contacted the dealer (although only £55) and said I want my money back. They are disputing my claim saying they did investigate the problem. For me it's a matter of principal, should they reimburse me? I feel ripped-off! If they don't want to, what options would I have? Any advise appreciated-Thanks more

Resolved Question: my car door got smashed by a baseball bat...?

some idiot decided to smash my bmw with a baseball bat, now my car's driver seat door metal is damaged... any one know where can i repair it??? do all garage know how to repair these kind of stuff? how much it usually cost? :( thanks more

Resolved Question: for those with cats - is this true?

How to Give a Cat a Pill 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. How To Give A Dog A Pill 1. Wrap it in bacon. 2. Toss it in the air. Jacobsdad - I posted it already - its what reminded me of it, just waiting for all of the thumbs down! more

Resolved Question: Have you ever discovered that you had been victimised because you shared a name with someone else?

Suddenly my garage bill went up; the services that were done on my vehicle always entailed an expensive repair job needing new parts that took several days to arrive. Then I heard that a relative who knew a lot about mechanical things had found out what had been happening to him. He refused to pay the bill. He had laid a trap and they had walked into it. The solicitors met on the court steps and the case was dropped. I had been a customer for many years and had actually bought vehicles there. That ceased emmediately. I don't say anything I can be sued for, but I make it clear that a recommendation wont be forthcoming. I was sitting in a hospital car park overlooking other cars when a 'gentleman' came to get into his car. He purposely rammed the edge of his door into the door panel of the next car. It was then I noticed that his passenger door was dented. Was the whole world going to pay?"...that his own passenger door was damaged..." more

Resolved Question: privately renting house-landlord will not do necessary repairs?

i rent a two bed house and i found it through a local lettings agent. i had a lot of trouble when trying to find a new place to live ( the landlord at my previous home evicted me as i had to claim benefit due to my relationship breakdown and didn't want a benefit claimer in his property!!) i came across my current home and immediately went for it as i was quite desperate as i have a young son and i could not find anywhere else and the council only offered me a hostel miles away. i explained my situation to the agent that i have to have a little help with the rent as although i work my income would not fully cover the rent. she was fine with this as i infact work for the council. anyway, two days after moving in i was putting things away in a store cupboard when i noticed rodent droppings on the floor, i called the agent and was furious but she assured me they had been aware of the problem but had dealt with it. a few weeks later i went to a kitchen cupboard and found several food items had been eaten and after clearing the cupboard i found more droppings. i again called the agent and demanded she find me somewhere else to live as this wasnt good enough. i was fobbed off with excuses and after trying to find alternative housing with no luck i agreed to stay providing they ensured any holes or cracks were fixed to prevent this. they hired a 'handy man' that did a little quick repair work and off he went, so far so good. but the property also has electrics in the garage that are faulty and trip the entire downstairs out if you use a plug in there, the front door leaks when we have heavy rain and the patio at the back floods also. there is also no cover on the water tank in the loft and there are damp patches in my bedroom.(the landlord has since stopped using the agency so i deal with him only now and he's not a friendly guy) i am sorry this is the longest question ever but i am getting so annoyed now as i have asked several times for these repairs to be done but have had no luck, does anyone out there know if theres anything i could do? many thanks and apologies for the rant!! to tim b , no he isnt actually, he is just a very greedy man unwilling to co operate. daft really considering the longer its left the more money it will cost him to fix but i guess he's not bothered when he receives 700 pounds per month from me! and he has four other properties that he rents... more

Resolved Question: 1996 vw sharan gl electric window not working?

rear passenger window will not go up and i think its the motor in the door but the door looks like a sealed unit.is it possible for me to fix and how or how much to repair at a garage more

Resolved Question: Do you know the easy way to give your cat a pill?

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrive cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cats head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, dring glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10. Retriev cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetnus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down. 14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table. more

Resolved Question: pergeot 206 book price?

can anyone tell me please the book price of x reg pergeot 206 1900 diesel 52,000 miles 5 door. As someone ran into me and pushed me into the back of anpther car and garage are saying repair bill may be greater than book price so may not be able to repair more

Resolved Question: UK Car accident that is entirely my fault. Is this an over prised estimate? Am I entitled to a 2estimate?

I had an accident 2 months ago where I was completely responsible. I'm not going through my insurance company cause I dont want the premium to rise. We started email conversations where she tells me that the costs are going to amount to around £1100. I ask a couple of questions regarding a way for us to lower these costs. Two months pass and I hear nothing from her until her insurance company calls and tells me that the repairs have been done for £1204.90. Shouldn't they have asked me if I agreed to this before the repairs? Could I pay the insurance company less if I get a lower quote somewhere else and finally does this repair seem too costly? Here's what their garage said: The front passenger's side door panel has to be replaced due to it being punctured by an inner door fixing at the point of impact. The renault's bodywork is made of aluminium and therefore it cannot be be welded. The damage to the rear door is more superficial and has purely to be resprayed. Thanks in advance more

Resolved Question: Car Hit & Run - United Kingdom?

my car was hit this AM and the driver just drove off, i did not get the registration as i was in the house as it was parked on the road outside my door. the car behind the one that hit me got the registration details but i did not report straight away and went to work and still have not reported it now, is it too late to report it to police and it it worth it, and is it worth me telling insurance people as a local garage said it would cost £75 to repair the damage caused is scrapes on the paintwork and dents all over the drivers side of my car. more

Resolved Question: damage estimate on a peugeot 106?

Hi I was wondering If any one could help me on this. Last wednesday I had an accident with my car. A truck drove into my side claiming "not to have seen me". From my experience he is clearly at fault. My car for the moment happens to be an old Peugeot 106, which I've been wanting to get rid of for some time. So instead of having it repaired I'm looking towards claiming the damage from the insurance company and having the garage at which I'm buying another car take it off my hands for recycling (the recycling bonus is exactly what I paid to buy the damn thing) Since I'm drawing up my budget I was wondering if any one could help me give an estimate of a damage claim. The front driver door of the car is totally busted up and the rear side pannel is seriously scratched but not dented. Does any one have an idea what about I could claim in damages for the car? Thanks a million.allready thanks for the answers. I just checked with a garage and apparently it's just borderline worth the 1000 euro repair (650£) which means that I have a nice advance for a brand new ride. more

Resolved Question: Giving your cat or dog a pill? it"s long but it"s a cracker??

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As the cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and vigorously rub cat's throat. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make a note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 13) Tie the little @#!*#^~!'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty Pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. DOG: Wrap pill in bacon, cheese or peanut butter. Make him beg. more

Resolved Question: can this be repaired on my car..?

my car rolled down a bank backwards, the car door (drivers side) was open my car hit a lamp post it was the door that stopped the car from rolling any further, the door hinge/post area is twisted the door wont close it is out by an inch. will the garage be able to fix my car...thanks.the car is 2ys old, more

Resolved Question: garage door repair....help.?

one of the wire cables has unwrapped itself from a roller/ bobin on one side of the door, how do i get it to stay on again. everytime i wind it on, it falls off when i open the door. more

Resolved Question: Stupid People?

Can people really be this stupid? 1. Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that I could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets. 2. I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened. 3. A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy." 4. I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk." 5. Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies. 6. I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich. 7. My neighbour works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" 8. Police in Radnor, PA, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed. 9. A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency. more

Resolved Question: How much is an Mot Failure worth?

Good morning everyone. My 1999 T Reg corsa failed its mot a couple of weeks ago and I have declared it off the road due to repairs being too expensive. A breakers have been in touch with me and asked how much I would like for the car but I have no idea how to put a value on it. To pass the mot the car requires -power steering pump -EGR valve -brake caliper -pads and disks -headlamp assembly The vauxhall garage I took it to said it would take 4 hours labour to fit the power steering pump which would have been £300ish plus the part is about £300 if I get it and just ask them to fit it. So with the bill getting over the £1500 mark I decided to bin it. But I dont want to leave it just sat on my drive and would rather someone dismantle and sell the bits (not something I have the time to do). But how much is it worth? 99 T reg Corsa SXi in black with 57k on the clock, only external problem is breakin damage on passenger door. All help gratefully received. Chris more

Resolved Question: INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL XXXfunny or notXXXstar if funnyXXX?

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10. 4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 6. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 8. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 9. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 10. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 11. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 12. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down. 13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table. 14. Arrange for vet to make a housecall.thumbs up for every body who stars this joke more

Resolved Question: Stolen car? insurance question?

My car was stolen, and driven to excess, in that there is now a knocking sound coming from the engine, that wasn't occuring before. I think it has been rallied about at excessive speeds. The car does not look badly damaged - needs a new passenger door due to the way they broke in, and ignition wires have been pulled out. I put it through an M.O.T less than 1 month ago, costing me £160, and I also have an excess of £150 to pay in order to claim my insurance. Currently, there is a bill of £150 increasing by £20 per day as it is in storage at a recovery garage. The car is only worth around £500, but my main concern is the damage that may be unable to detect i.e. the damage done to the engine. Is it likely that my insurance co will write the car off? I am wary, that they will want to repair it, and it costs me £150, when the engine might seize a week later due to the way it was driven? Any advice? more

Resolved Question: giving your cat or dog a pill? it"s long but it"s a cracker??

Resolved Question: Where do you stand if you buy a Cat D car that breaks down and subsequently you find out has more damage?

My parents recently brought a Cat D car which had had damage to a couple of doors and the back, after only haven driven it a few times and only having it for 7 weeks it broke down, on being taken to the manufacturers garage they were informed that it had actually had more damage such as dents in the roof that were ironed out. After contacting the seller who now informs them that it needs a new engine and that the pistons have melted he is insisting they pay half the repair and he will pay half as a goodwill gesture as he "feels sorry for them" they have told him to take the car back and they will have their money but he says no. Where do they stand in regards the fact that he sold them a Cat D car and didn't notify them of the full damage to a car which now appears to not have been fit for the purpose it was sold? more

Resolved Question: Party wall or dividing wall, whose wall?!?

We need to take a wall down for repairs to our drains, the drains problem being a joint one with our next door neighbours. Our bungalows are linked by our garages and the brick wall runs from the garages down the length of the driveway, separating our two properties. Our neighbours have always insisted it is our wall and our responsibility, but I would have thought it was joint responsibility as it basically divides our two properties. As it is, my insurance will only pay half of the wall, but my neighbours refuse to involve their insurance in this. When inside my house, this wall is on my left. If I am stood outside my house looking towards it, the wall is on the right. Any answers greatly appreciated.Sorry.. have found some title plans which just shows the boundary of the whole property, but nothing about wall ownership ie. no T's or H's.! more

Resolved Question: joke: Signs?

Sign in a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE 50p PER PREPACKED BAG; 20p DO IT YOURSELF In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.) English sign in a German cafe: MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING-BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Sign outside a new town hall to be opened by the Prince of Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW. Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO. Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS. Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL. Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LITTER LOUTS AND VANDALS, WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER Notice in a dry cleaner's window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF. Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR-THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church." On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship." At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel." On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs." In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work." In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan." In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks." In a Tacoma, a Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!" Sign in the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other diseases." Sign at a garage in Hertfordshire: "Please do not smoke near the pumps. If your life isn't worth anything - gas is!" Sign at a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty." more

Resolved Question: Giving Cats Pills.......................?

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10. 4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 6. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 8. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 9. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 10. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 11. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 12. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down. 13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table. 14. Arrange for vet to make a housecall. more

Resolved Question: To cat owners every where incl Nemesis and Elflaeda?

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap. 13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. more

Resolved Question: Actual signs found in England?

Sign in a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT. Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS. In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN. Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF. In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD. On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.) Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW. Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO. Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS. Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME. Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL. Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LITTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER. Notice in a dry cleaner's window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF. Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS. Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS. Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR. Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR. Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS. Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT. Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW. more

Resolved Question: Can I replace my Renault Clio 05 wing myself?

Shortly after I bought my long-saved-for first car (a Renault Clio 3 door) last summer, someone hit it while it was parked in a car park and cracked one of the plastic panels of the bodywork. It is the side segment on the driver's side, between the door and the bumber - I think that is called the wing? I would like to repair it, but can't afford to take it to a garage (as it is just cosmetic damage.) If I could track down a spare, would I be able to replace it myself? I have no mechanical knowledge, but don't mind getting my hands dirty! How much would a spare cost, and how would I go about fitting it? Any advice appreciated, thanks! more

Resolved Question: Central locking & passenger side window not working on my VW polo W reg, is this something minor to repair?

I used to be able to just turn the key in the drivers door & all the doors would un-lock, however for some time now I have to pull up the black knob just to open the door, which is a bit annoying & also probably not doing it any good to open & lock manually like this? Also passenger side window which is electric does not even open now (in the past sometimes it would). Can any mechanics explain why this would happen or is it that i'm doing something wrong. I have enquired at the garage in past to get it repaired but's too expensive & feel a car of 7 years old, shouldn't do this?? more

Resolved Question: Help me repair my Subaru its been sitting in my garage for 2 years now, but runs fine just been saving money !

I have a Subaru in need of major work done on the interior. The material on the internal doors which is blue in colour, but not sure what the material is, buts its the same as other cars. This material is also on the full dash board and around the gear stick area and handbreak area i need it changing. There are loads of scratches, rips and bubbles in the material would i need to paint it or is there somewhere that can change this material for me i live in Stoke-on-Trent, Staffordshire. I also need to get some new wheels/tyres the car is black and i want 18" wheels, but NOT gold which ones would look good ? I also need the full carpet mould changing including the boot and i want this black any ideas where i could get this done ? more

Resolved Question: What do you think? funny?

Yes it is long! How to give the cat a pill Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. How to give the dog a pill Wrap it in bacon. more

Resolved Question: where are garage door repairs carried out near sutton coldfield - west midlands?

up and over garage doors will not stay open more

Resolved Question: scrap jeep vitara or not ?? that is the question?

i have a 3-door jeep suzuki vitara " J " reg wide boy , 5 very good tyres , its got all the trimmings steps bull bar ect i love it dearly but the computer thing in engine could be very dead like could be about £400.00 to replace + i have garage fees of about £150.00 now . do i repair or scrap ?? the rest of jeep is in very good condition for age.sorry its not a " jeep in name" i call it a jeep myself sorry to upset anyone will call it basil now more

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